The Orders of Love

“When we understand the systemic laws that allow love to unfold, we may be able to help suffering families and individuals to find solutions. It's profoundly moving to observe clients approach the Order of Love and spontaneously melt into soft and intimate love, even after a lifetime of hate, anger and abuse”

Quote from ‘Love's Hidden Symmetry’.

It was in his systemic therapy work that Bert discovered that the family system, just like any other system, has its own natural order and when that order is disrupted; the effects are felt by subsequent generations as the system tries to right itself. There appear to be certain natural laws operating to maintain that order and permit the free flow of love between family members.

According to Bert Hellinger's systemic therapy, the solution to life in family occurs when each of it members takes his/her appropriate and actual place, takes upon his/her roles in life, taking care of himself/herself and avoiding intervening in other's destiny.

Bert HellingerBert Hellinger considers his parents and his childhood home to be the first major influence on his later work. Their particuliar form of faith provided the entire family with an immunity against believing the distortions of National Socialism.

Because of his repeated absences from the required meetings of the Hitler Youth Organization and his participation in an illegal Catholic youth organization, he was eventually classified by the Gestapo as ‘Suspected of Being an Enemy of the People.’ His escape from the Gestapo was paradoxically made possible when he got drafted. Just 17 years old, he became a soldier, experienced the realities of combat, capture, defeat, and life in a prisoner of war camp in Belgium with the allies.

The second major influence is certainly his childhood wish to become a priest. At the age of 20, immediately after getting out of prisoner of war camp, he entered a Catholic religious order and began the long process of purification of body, mind and spirit in silence, study, contemplation and meditation.

His 16 years in South Africa as a missionary to the Zulu also deeply shaped his later work. There he directed a large school, taught, and was parish priest simultaneously. He tells with satisfaction that 13% of all black Africans attending university in South Africa at that time were students of this one mission school. He learned the Zulu language well enough to teach and minister, but he tells amusing anecdotes about the courteous dignity of the Zulu people when he inadvertently said something rude rather than what he intended.